Breakin’ Balls: WW intern learns from “The Pearl” and “The Scorpion”

Earl “The Pearl” Strickland is a five-time world champion billiards player and practices every day. I play a couple times a month and never without beer. Johnny “The Scorpion” Archer breaks an eight-ball rack like he is having savage, powerful sex. I break a rack like your baby sister.

Among the estimated 270,000 members of the American Poolplayers Association, Archer and Strickland are legends. Together, they have won six U.S. Open Nine-ball Championships since 1984. In the late ’90s, Billiards Digest named Archer its Player of the Decade. And Strickland once won $1 million at a professional cuesports tournament. I’m a barroom hack lucky to make two balls in a row.

But I got to play recently with Archer and Strickland, who are traveling the West Coast giving four-hour pool lessons to players willing to shell out $200 a pop. They say they can dramatically improve my game in one lesson.

I’m skeptical. What can they do in four hours? WW sent me to find out. Class was at Sam’s Hollywood Billiards in Northeast Portland, a pool hall gracious enough to pick up my $200 tab (consider things even with this mention). Even at 11 am, people other than the 12 of us here for lessons hover around the bar rail, their cigarette smoke wafting around the neon beer signs overhead.

There are no women is only one woman among the dozen students, which bar manager Jason Moore says is unusual because “pool is pretty universal.” We are split into two groups, getting two hours with each pro. My group gets Strickland first.

Strickland, 47, is not a good teacher. He reminds me of Will Ferrell’s film persona Ron Burgundy, if Burgundy played nine-ball. Strickland wears faded black pants, a golf polo and worn white sneakers. He has blond hair and a thin mustache. He tells us he will “fix our bridges.”

Translation: He will adjust our anchor hands the ones on the table. After about 20 minutes, he concludes of my group: “You all cannot excel at this sport. You’re just not talented enough.” Strickland and I clash. I botch my first few shots and he sends me to play at a corner table, a billiards timeout. As I practice alone, I hear him compare himself to Tiger Woods.

I quickly realize I am dealing with a rare breed of human, a narcissist with an affinity for verbal abuse. My favorite one-liner of the day: “My cue is like a Cadillac and y’all are driving Volkswagens.” Turning to me, he adds, “Your cue isn’t worth 10 cents.”

Earl’s Pearl Necklace of Wisdom

Ok, if you didn’t get to see this article about Johnny Archer and Earl Strickland in the Wilamette Week paper, you seriously have to click over and read it.  This is some seriously funny stuff.  For those who don’t trust me (isn’t that just about everyone?) here are a few snips from the article:

“Johnny “The Scorpion” Archer breaks an eight-ball rack like he is having savage, powerful sex. I break a rack like your baby sister.”

“Strickland, 47, is not a good teacher. He reminds me of Will Ferrell’s film persona Ron Burgundy, if Burgundy played nine-ball.”

“I quickly realize I am dealing with a rare breed of human, a narcissist with an affinity for verbal abuse. My favorite one-liner of the day: ‘My cue is like a Cadillac and y’all are driving Volkswagens.” Turning to me, he adds, “Your cue isn’t worth 10 cents.’”

The closing quotes from the article are beyond priceless:

“Archer turns to me and says, “What is it with Portland women?” He is wearing a black T-shirt that says “The Scorpion” on the front and back, and he is drinking a Bud Light.

“What do you mean?” I say.

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind hefty women, but I would say 95 percent of the girls in this town have bellies that are too close to the dinner table.”

“Careful, motherfucker, he’s writing a story on you,” says Cantrill.

“Think I give a fuck? What’s he gonna say, ‘Johnny don’t like hefty women?’”

Johnny don’t like hefty women.”

Legends and Champions Pool Tour Texas Bound

Today, Mark Cantrill (AKA T-Wheels) announced the next leg of the Legends and Champions Pool Tour.  “We have had great successes in Arizona, New Mexico, California, Oregon and Washington so far. So due to popular demand we will be taking the Pool School and exhibition tour to the Lone Star State in September, said Cantrill.

Both Johnny, Earl are as excited as ever to come to Texas. “We know there is a great pool and billiards community in Texas and we really want to be a part of it” said Strickland.

The pool schools will be limited to a maximum of 12 students per class, these 12 students will be divided into two groups of six. Each group of six will spend 2 hours with Johnny (The Scorpion) Archer and 2 hours with Earl (The Peal) Strickland. This format gives the students of all levels the one on one instruction they deserve from each of the pros. The fee for this four hour school is only $200.00 per person. If you would like to attend any of the pool schools in your area please contact Mark Cantrill at cantrillmark@yahoo.com please be sure to add your direct phone or cell number for confirmation and the location of the school you wish to attend.

There will also be Exhibitions in the evening performed by both Johnny and Earl in most locations, our exhibitions consists of Trick shots ( not the ones you see on TV), a stroke shot exhibition (something you just have to see to appreciate) fun stories from the road, a chance for spectators to pair up with either Johnny or Earl in a Scotch Doubles Challenge match (usually 8 drawings) , a race to 6 against a local house pro or champion and of course pictures and autographs with the pros to end the night. Please  look out for more information on these exhibitions.